just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
i think im in europe. pls send help
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Randomize
