Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
you win again, gameday.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Randomize
