I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
Everything about him screamed your future.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
