I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
