420 ftw
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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