I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Randomize
