He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
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