This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
