ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
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Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
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Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
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