he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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