Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
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