listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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