He disabled his match.com account in front of me
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
