What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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