And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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