please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Randomize
