I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
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