yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
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