Are we in a gay sports bar?
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
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