I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
