I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Randomize
