The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Randomize
