sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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