oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
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