So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize