I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Randomize
