I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
