Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
