It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
a search helicopter?!
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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