I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
