my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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