I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
