remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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