So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize