see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Randomize