you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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