i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Randomize
