pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
