Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
My day in three words: secret purse cake
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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