I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Randomize
