He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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