I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
