he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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