I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
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