I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
