I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
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