I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
