so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
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