Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize
