i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Randomize
