All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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