at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
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