Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
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