What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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