bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
