The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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