i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Randomize
