This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
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I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
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I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
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