Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
