Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
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