i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Randomize
