I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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