I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Randomize
