he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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