he wants to bone in the snuggie
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
