Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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