It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
