No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Randomize
