Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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