Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
