My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
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