I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
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