mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
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