Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
