can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
