We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
We need to rekindle our bromance
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
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