Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Randomize
