I'm gonna have a badass scar
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
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